Marriage Lessons in the Time of Corona – Social Distancing in London

2nd May 2020, Social Distancing in London Day 45

Want to know how do I feel being stuck at home continuously for 45 days, 24X7, from early morning to late night and from late night to the next early morning with MR B?

In love. I feel in love. Just so much in love.

Almost one and a half month into lockdown, and I’m proud that Mr B and I are making it work for us. We have spent hours with each other continuously with no time off and still haven’t snapped (not yet anyway). I’ve even strain tested our relationship by messing Mr B’s haircut bigtime last week and still everything is jolly good between us.

I guess that’s the bliss that comes with 12 years of marriage.

But 12 years is a long time and in that long of a span, things can change drastically. And for a marriage to thrive, things should change drastically. In Darwinian terms, evolution has to take place for survival.

And so our marriage has survived because our love has evolved. I was in love with Mr B in 2008 and I’m still in love with him. However, the love I felt back then isn’t the same anymore; it has evolved into a better love – love 12.0.

2008’s love was like being high, I guess my brain was producing phenylethylamine non-stop back then. 2020’s love is like hiking in the woods on a sunny autumn evening, it is the crisp and yet warm oxytocin that embraces me now.

How did we arrive at this blissful state of marriage? Did we take the quick elevator to the top or did we steadily walk up the stairs?

Mr B and I have done it the hard way, we steadily walked up the stairs. Like patient gardeners, we have endlessly worked on our marriage, come rain or shine. There were times when we didn’t know where we were heading, but we kept toiling nevertheless and after 12 years, here we are enjoying a picnic amidst the dancing wildflowers in our blooming garden. Yes, I am aware that I overdid the gardening metaphors.  

With age comes experience and with experience comes the entitlement to pass on that experience to the less experienced ones. So if I have to pass on a few starter tips for a love-filled marriage from my bag of experiences, these will be the ones –

Marriage Lessons in the Time of Corona #1

Fall in Love Through Common Interests

Try finding a common something that you both already love. It has to be something that you aren’t choosing because of each other; instead, it should a common activity/thing/event that you both love on your own. And then let this common something be the thing you spend hours on, obsessing about it together. Let this be the thing that binds you together like a strong intermolecular force. Every time you fight, you resolve your difference for the sake of keeping this common flame alive.

Mr B and I are almost nerds and therefore our common love interest has been things like books, learning new things and science fiction. We fell for each other over The Alchemist and can discuss Sapiens for hours; we like to get our minds blown by a new and exciting piece of information and our indulgence in Star Wars knows no bounds.

Look at this Star Wars-themed anniversary card that we made for each other this year!

Marriage Lessons in the Time of Corona #2

Find Common Interests for the Sake of Love

Marriage is all about exploring and so you must leave no stone unturned in that pursuit. Try a variety of new activities/hobbies/interests and see which of those you both fancy together. I’m not going to lie, you might need to explore dozens of new experiences before you can agree on one. Take dance lessons together, visit arcades for date nights, spend a holiday basking on a beach and another one lost in an urban jungle, take couples massage together or learn how to sketch. Just try and try bonding over a new passion.

For Mr B and I, exploring is what lead to the evolution of our love. We have time and again forced ourselves to learn a new skill or take a road-less travelled and because of that, we have understood each other better. Getting in new situations can bring forth new facets of your spouse’s personality that you were absolutely unaware of and what a learning curve could that be!

Mr B and I learned ballroom dancing for a year and realized that Dean Martin was right when he mentioned that dance has the power to make couples go weak for each other because I actually told Mr B to “hold me close, sway me more.”

Cooking healthy and trying new recipes is another passion we have picked along the way. We prepared these awesome aubergine & pesto burgers with beetroot and tzatziki for our anniversary dinner this year. Just a bite of this juicy goodness and it was like falling in love all over again!

Marriage Lessons in the Time of Corona #3

Love the Fact that Your Other Half Loves Something that You Just Can’t Stand (or Love the Fact that Your Other Half Can’t Stand Something that You Love)

After falling in love through common interests and then after finding common interest for the sake of love, it is time to take the relationship to the next bridge and then cross it.

All of our other halves love something that we just can’t stand or can only tolerate. During the initial part of the relationship, we ignore such quirks; however, as time passes by, we start fighting over these. Over a period of time, I have come to the realisation I do not have to love everything that Mr B loves; I just have to love him for loving something even if I have no interest in.

Sounds tricky? How’s this for example – Mr B loves Die Hard series, I see no value in it. There was a time Mr B will watch this series every time it was on the telly. I realised I do not have to be annoyed by his love of Die Hard. I just have to love him for loving Die Hard. Another example – I procrastinate folding dried laundry for as long as possible; I sort of prefer leaving it in a pile and then using clothes from that same pile, that way there’s no need for folding clothes at all. Initially, Mr B would not appreciate the laundry pile lying around. But now, I guess it is one of my quirks that he loves. And since he loves my dislike for laundry, he folds it up for me every now and then.

Want to read more on our love story? Have a look here Yes I am Weird and So is My Love

Read more blogs from my Covid-19 – Social Distancing Diaries from London series here –

McMuffins in the Time of Corona

Routine in the Time of Corona