I Don’t Want My Daughter to Become Anything…and Yet Everything

(This blog was first published at my parenting blog at MyCity4Kids)

The day my daughter was born, the comparison started. Her forehead was compared to my husband; her nose was compared to mine. As time passed by, her activities were scrutinized and were connected with someone in the family.

“She does this, she is just like her grandfather.” “No she does this, she is just like her aunt.”

And if all that was not enough, started the endless talk about what she would be when she grows up.

“She can open her toy car, she would become an engineer like her father.” “She has a way with words, she will become journalist like her mother.”

Or straightaway asking Little B, “bete, aap bade hokar kya banoge? (what do you want to be when you grow up?)” Poor girl, she didn’t even knew what that question meant. She is 4 years old and she still doesn’t know the meaning. Why should a kid think about what she wants to be when she grows up?

I understand that all this is a very casual talk, the kind of talk that every adult does when talking about a child. However, every time I hear any such comment comparing my daughter to anybody or bothering us or her with questions about her future, I feel furious. I mean, let her be and leave her be people!

Here’s what my point of view –

Neither can I decide, nor do I have any right to plan or think or encourage or force her to choose a profession for herself. It is not my life. It is hers. And when the time comes, she and only she will decide. I will not and I cannot nudge her towards any particular direction.

So I don’t want my daughter to become anything.

What I want instead, is for her to become everything that she wants to be.

My aim is to not give her anything specific but to give her all that I can. I teach her how to tie a bandage, for if she ever decides to be a doctor. I request her to rinse and chop vegetables, for if she ever decides to be a cook. I show her how to serve a shuttle cock, for if she decides to be a sportsperson. I encourage her to use all the space around her when she tells dances, for if she decides to join theater. I teach her how to use a screwdriver, for if she decides to become an engineer. I ask her to tell me stories from her imaginary world, for if she decides to become a writer.

I dressed her up as Aruna Roy for her school’s Independence Day function, so she understands the power of social activism. I play Lego with her for hours where we try creating skyscrapers, so that she can face the problems that architectures face. I never teach her drawing and instead encourage her to draw any way she wants, so she stays creative. I ask for her opinion in matters relating to her, so that she learns to speak out her mind. I listen to online radio stations from all over the world, so that she knows the different music genres that exist. I tell her stories from years gone by, so that she appreciates the past we once had.

I consciously avoid going to malls often and instead head for park, library, fairs, farms and hills so that she is exposed to as much as she can. I especially encourage her to learn about nature and become nature’s friend. Nature is the centre of our entire existence and I want her to always remember that. We run after butterflies, collect snakeskin, manure our plants, dance in rain, drink from waterfalls, observe and record the night sky and so much more just to understand what all nature has given us.

Last weekend we went for a Kabuliwalla storytelling event. This weekend, we are attending a lecture on Bhagavad Gita.

When I see my daughter, I see a 4-year-old sponge, ready and eager to pick up everything that she can. I see a girl, who woke up at 4 am to see a meteor shower. I see a girl, who goes to grocery shopping with me and shares my burden by carrying a kg of weight every single time. I see a girl, who hurryingly opens the fridge, fills a bowl with milk and rushes out of the home to feed kittens. I see a girl who hurt her hips countless number of times and still stood up and taught herself to skate. I see a girl who loves to joke, who loves to dance, who loves to read and who loves to play.

She is already on her way. I don’t know what she will be when she grows up. But I do know she will have an absolutely great time growing up.

She can be anything. She can be everything.